A Food Addicts Recovery Journal

Feeling the need to write

2011-01-23T17:43:00.000-08:00

Well I have been sitting here at my pc and reading some step work so that I could sit down and type them out and ready to send to my sponsor. I have just felt like everything I try to do is so overwhelming any more. A very big sign of depression. So come monday morning I will be calling my doctors office and seeing if she can help me get back on my meds.

It is also one reason why I am taking a few weeks off of my avon business. I will be letting my few customers know that as well. I won't be out of work for too long, just long enough so that I will start feeling better and stronger. And with more ideas and how to get a better and bigger business going.

In the mean time I will be working my recovery program and feeling better and stronger with that and continue my work with it and helping others do the same.

I do have an online Avon store so that will stay open for anyone who would like to order online and have their order delivered directly to their door via UPS.

I just don't think I can work with other people right now besides my recovery program people and have a good business going. So I feel that a higher power is directing me to just get well first and then continue with your business.

Just typing this out has made me feel some better.

Thanks for reading.

Working the Twelve Steps guided first by book Alcoholics Anonymous assisted by official AA writings that followed

2011-01-21T16:05:00.000-08:00

Working the Twelve Steps guided first by book Alcoholics Anonymous assisted by official AA writings that followed

Big Book On Line

2011-01-21T15:57:00.000-08:00

Big Book On Line

A prayer to A higher power

2011-01-20T13:31:00.000-08:00

A prayer to A higher power

Higher Power,
Today is a new day for me and with your help it can be a day of abstinence. I ask for your protection in case some time during the day my desire to overeat is greater than my desire to abstain. I ask for your protection from anyone and anything that may interfere with my abstinence. I know that I am powerless over food. I beleive you will relieve my compulsion and restore me to sanity.

Please help me to know your will for me today and give me the willingness to cary that out. I turn my will and my life over to you.

-Author unknown

FOOD PLANS

2010-12-28T09:30:00.000-08:00

FOOD PLANS

wokring with an online sponsor

2010-12-03T15:24:00.000-08:00

I have taken some steps and am working with an online sponsor to help me with my recovery program and guide me along the way, this is the second day, but food is still a little sloppy. However there are many more days to go, but I do it only one day at a time.

I am hoping to have some good solid abstinence behind me soon and then I will be able to help others to do the same.

I am also thinking of starting a brand new group in my area, but that is for my HP to decide if I am ready and the format behind it.

Today my food has been a lot better than yesterdays so things are getting better as I move along.

JUST FOR TODAY I WILL HAVE A PROGRAM I MAY NOT FOLLOW IT EXCATLY BUT AT LEAST I WILL HAVE IT.

Thanksgiving Day!!

2010-11-25T13:56:00.000-08:00

Well it is Thanksgiving Day, and so far I suppose I am doing okay. I am still trying to work on the recovery program it is the only way I can gain some form of sanity in this world. Especially when it comes to the food and the world around me that is so engulfed with dieting and weight control and other who have not found out about their problems just yet, that are still suffering from the disease.

I hope anyone who reads this has a wonderful Thanksgiving holiday.

Deborah

Lose For Good!

2010-09-14T08:22:00.000-07:00

I joined with Weight watchers a couple of months ago and this is my first time with the lose for good campaign.

A campaign to fight hunger, for more information visit: WeightWatchers.com/LoseForGood.

Get involved and stomp out hunger!!!

Back in Weight Watchers!

2010-09-02T11:36:00.000-07:00

I joined Weight watchers a month and a half ago, and doing okay, slow weight loss still but not freaking out like I did last time. which is a real good thing. I am more into the attitude of the thing now. :)

The thing is I do not like to feel deprived, or I will start obsessing and wanting what I can't seem to have even more. This is the thing I did all the while in some of my extreme program meetings. Well no more! I have to live, you know, and doing what I was doing in this very extreme group meeting, was just that. Depriving myself because it was not on their list of foods to eat. Or I couldn't have it because I had committed it to a sponsor person and if I had anything off the list of foods that day, I had slipped and had to go back to square one.

I did this off and on for so many years, it is a wonder why I even lasted for 6 mos. straight of deprivation.
I know that I am a compulsive eater, but I do not have to deprive myself of things. to me that is still obsessing about foods and staying in the disease of food addiction. That is just how i feel at the moment. :)

I will post more thoughts later, I think for now I am going to do some reading.

Need to be getting back to WW

2010-06-27T05:47:00.000-07:00

I am finding myself needing to get back to the Weight watchers program and making this thing work for me, instead of just messing around with it. My health is a little worse than it was back then, I am having problems with heart burn and acid indigestion at times. That is not good. But I first need to get some money going in my direction for the monthly pass.

So I need to get my avon business going in a good direction where I can make that money. God help me to get where I need to be right now. Help me to make my goals for this come true for me. I cannot do this by myself, and I need your help.

Help my Avon business grow and prosper so that I can have the funds to get to my WW meeting.

Deborah

Working it out!

2010-03-09T12:42:00.001-08:00

I am working getting some consistency with my workouts here lately. I have been going to the gym and getting on the treadmill and using incline work for about 20 min. It is a good work out.

I feel good after ward, but then I happen to notice myself being a little unsteady afterwords and falling. Could be something due to my hearing loss and equilibrium being out of balance, not sure will talk to the doctor in a few weeks anyway.

It is now Jan. and time for me to update again.

2010-02-06T13:57:00.000-08:00

Okay, I need to really keep this blog updated, and I will commit to doing that. I am now back to working on a 12 step program for recovery. After trying to lose weight by myself so many times and trying to do things my own way, it has failed miserably and my health is nothing to play with here.

So far, I have been doing a lot better than I was previously I am now doing a lot more weighing and measuring of my food than that of my body. Food portion is a big thing for me, I can so easily get out of proportion because of my eating problems and my eyes do not yet know the difference to being eye balling things. I am not doing it as much as I should be doing it, but at least I am doing it better that I was, which was very seldom.

Another thing is I am working on keeping my program so very simple, I trully beleive that most of my own mistakes was trying to do things to complicated for me, and I got too overwhelmed and just took a nose dive into a full blown relapse.

For anyone reading this, and is curios and would like to find out more about a 12 step program for food addiction, you can go to Overeaters Anonymous. There is a lot of info there.

Thanks for reading, more posts later.

Deborah

update

2009-12-26T16:13:00.000-08:00

I haven't updated on this blog for a while. So I thought I would start writing more on my blog here since I am going to be doing the biggest loser program this coming season. So I will be writing more of what is going on with me and my progress throughout the season.

Time to change!

2009-08-01T12:53:00.000-07:00

Last night I decided that I was going to start on a new way of life. i want tostart training like Jillian Michaels does. Well at least like she trains her team on the biggest loser. I want to be fit like Jillian anyway.

I am tired of the way i have been doing things in regard to my health. these are all so unfamiliar ways for me, but if i want change things that is something that I am going to have to get myself used to, one little step at a time. the time is now to get it done. i am going to stop going to my other support groups that aren't helping one bit.

When it is time to change then you've got to rearrange!, hmmm that reminds me of a song that i have heard on tv once in my youth. But it is also the truth!

well I am sitting here pecking away at the computer, and it is 4 in the afternoon! so I need to get some more exercising in before it gets much later.

thanks for reading!

weigh in today

2009-07-31T05:59:00.000-07:00

Greetings all,

Today of course is the day I weigh in, I did gain a little bit today but i feel okay about it,though.
I will add some new behaviors like adding more water drinking and add more exercising to my daily routine. I nee to start adding things like that, i do exercise, but sometimes it is hard to get it all in. Looks like I need to really start fitting time for it all in my daily routines.

I know that I am not in control of what goes on with my body, I can help myself though, by treating it the way it should be treated, and just take the steps necessary, and it will happen.

I need to go to a few stores this morning, so i will be back later.

Friday is weigh in day

2009-07-30T17:18:00.000-07:00

Friday I will weigh myself first thing in the morning, and before eating anything. I hope I have done some good this week, but I know that if i haven't i just need to kick things up a notch, work on some small area like maybe getting more water in and less other junk. That is always a hard thing for me to do, but why wouldn't I want to treat my body the way it was meant to be treated, like a vessel.

Well for one thing, it is my preference for the diet cokes, and coffee that keep me hanging on. But as Jillian Michaels once said, those things aren't good for you. and she is correct, water is the best thing going, I could use some right now.

Just went and got a cup of water, and some aspirin, my head is bounding, so I will end this post, and check back in with my weight tomorrow.

Healthy you Challenge update

2009-07-29T13:19:00.000-07:00

Hello all,
Well today I have been doing better on my new pla n of eating and exercise program. I found a real neat site to make my own healthy living contract. I have pinned it up on my bulletin board where my computer is, and next to the kitchen.

I have done a set of circuit workouts, that is in the biggest loser program book.My workout days
are Monday,Wednesday,Friday. sometimes life does get in the way, and I will have to change my day, but that is okay.

I am hoping to be able to add more time and days to my workouts soon. The thing that i find the hardest is getting up to exercise first efore breakfast. I just haven't made it out the door yet, as i need to get some food in me first.

exercising before your first meal I have read is supposed to jump start your metabolism, and i am one for sure that needs her metabolism jump started. I will have to work on that part soon.

It is almost dinner time so I need to log off right now and get my healthy meal fixed.

I will check back in later.

Deborah

exercise today

2009-07-27T11:32:00.000-07:00

Just got in my 20 min. of the 30 day shred and I feel good for doing it! I really hesitated but I told myself that just get in there and do it, and you will feel better physically and emotionally.

It just amazes me of how the mind can really play with you,just trying to tell you that you don't need or really want to do this, the trick is to just ignore that negative talk, of what I like to call the committee. As I am learning there is no room in my quest for physical well being and happiness of the negativity, there just is not. Anytime that I shut the negative crap up and push onward I am that much closer to my goal.

This weeks goal is to lose 2 lbs. the only way to do that is what Jillian Michaels Calls Self, sweat, and science. Feeding the body right with the right foods and at the right time, and sweating it out with exercise of course the science is not only eating the proper foods at the right time but counting the calories. calories in must equal calories out in order to lose fat.

Well looks like it is going to rain here soon, i will check back in later.

Biggest loser in Chesapeake ODAT

2009-07-25T10:45:00.000-07:00

Hello,
I am going to commit myself to living the Biggest Loser way of life, a healthy eating and exercise program. It is not a diet, but a way of life. Diets you go on and off again, this you stay on becasue it is changing your lifestyles.

Changing a lifestyle can be sccary and slow, and sometimes frustrating , but it is acheiveable one day at a time. My biggest challenge is getting in my water intake, exercising the number of times a week I need to, and trying to stay within my calorie allotment.

I will need to get into the habit of planning and preparing my meals ahead of time, which is a good idea and have done it a couple of times, but not enough times, i am afraid. So one meal, one day at a time, I can do this.

I will continue to update my progress and insights here on this blog.

Deborah

Biggest Loser

2009-07-09T12:45:00.001-07:00

I am now reading about the Biggest Loser diet and exercise program and will be implementing that lifestyle in to my life. It looks like a very good program and you can't be such clear evidence as the contestants on the show. if i had the money, I would audition for the show myself. I have about 50 lbs to lose. This pogram seems like it would help me get the job done.

I have also considered doing the online version, they have a 7 day risk free trial, but I have read a lot of people on other blogs and bulletin boards throughout the net, say that there are some complaining who are part of the online club, that it is not particularly user friendly. Still my curiosity peaks, I don't think I want to put in my information just for seven days.

So I will stick with the books, there are plenty of other places to get support, from those who are doing it as well. One such place is sparkpeople. www.sparkpeople.com which I am a member of that site as well.

However, I know me, and how my mind works, i know I won't be satisfied till I find out for myself. Sometimes you just have to take things for granted, or with a grain of salt as they are only opinions of others.

2009-07-02T12:38:00.000-07:00

Food could have been better today. At least I did get in a workout with jillian michaels dvd 30 day shred. I am thinking about changing up with my eating though, maybe doing more of the Biggest loser program and still trying to get in some organic foods when I can.

I do like some of the foods I have learned to eat all ready, like the organic yogurt is really good, it is a lot better tasting than any other yogurts out there and the milk is good too. I am using stoneyfield Farm organic milk and yogurt now. The biggest loser program has more of a budget freindly plan, and in this terrible economy we have now I think it would be better on the pocket book, especially since hubby is going to be retiring.

I feel better just journaling my thoughts here, I also use the biggerst loser league website and I am a member for a short time on JillianMichaels.com.

I feel counting calories is the best thing to do anyway rather than sacrifice and binge later on...

which has been the status quo here and I am struggling to get back on track.

one day at a time.

Thanks for reading.
Deborah

Thursday Food log

2009-07-02T12:28:00.000-07:00

Breakfast
1 cup cereal
4 slices chesses (reduced fat sharp cheddar)
coffee

Snack
5 strawberries

Lunch
1 cup salad topped with veg. turkey chili
and crumpled cheese
and 5 olives

Snack
2 slices whole grain bread
lite butter
apple

Fitness Journal

2009-07-01T12:58:00.000-07:00

Monday
20 min. circuit training with Jillians
30 day shred dvd

Tuesday:
5 min. of 30 day shred, had a hard time with it today. My fitness and stamina are a little lacking so it was just a little harder today but I am committed to working on it.

Wednesday:
No workout.

Thursday
30 day shred level 1
free wieghts

August 4,2009

15 minute walk around the block
30 min. workout with dancing with the stars cardio

also bought a new heart rate monitor which is pretty nice.
doing the cardio workout I could see that my heart rate was working at its opt. and I was burning some fat. I will be doing this again in the morning.

Food Journal

2009-04-16T15:25:00.000-07:00

Breakfast:
1 cup Kashi golean cereal
1/2 cup natures path flaxplus pumpkin/raisin
cereal

snack
5 olives
1 large apple
2 pieces sharp cheddar cheese

Lunch
Southwest Chicken Salad
Coffee

Snack
1 large red apple

Dinner
2 cup southwest chicken salad
5 green olives
1/2 cup plain nonfat yogurt
1/2 cup fresh blueberries
coffee